Thursday, October 4, 2007

Born an Indian; say "I do" to an Indian

I had a rather interesting tête-à-tête with one of my dearest buddy over the weekend. Over Christmas of 2006, he decided to visit his comrade and indulge in some Southern comfort food, I guess. Holiday euphoria, scrumptious aliment, festive sentiments and guess what the topic of conversation was — something dear and near to every Indian’s heart. Can you make a guess? “Matrimonial confabulation”. To cut the long story short, my friend’s amigo made a judicious (?) suggestion. His “words of wisdom” -- since my chum is of Indian origin, he should espouse only a “desi” girl. His postulation was based on his understanding of the striking disparity between the east and west. He thinks that these dissimilarities would precipitate a domestic crisis and eventually my friend would be forlorn.

Here is a fact: every single Indian I know (from my generation) has at least a friend or a cousin whose marriage unfortunately has dissolved. Mind you, these people were wed to Indians. Not only that but also some of these alliances were arranged by their parents - known family, comparable rearing, propitious omens, assiduous family background check and the groom/bride befit the parents’ characterization of beauty. Such flawless matchmaking and yet separated? Pardon my cynicism but that is extremely astute, right? I have also seen couples (where they sought out their own spouse= “Indian love marriage”) show utmost disrespect towards each other. Their public display of differences makes you mortified for them. Only thing they have in common is the country they come from.

I know of numerous successful marriages between people of dissimilar religious faiths, ethnicities and milieu. Is it just serendipity? I hardly think so. They choose to pick the strengths from each other’s background and let the negative disparities dissipate.

I am not sure if nationalities determine the success or collapse of a marriage; human personalities do. I agree; similar cultural/religious upbringing might make things easier but they do not guarantee a thriving nuptial relationship.

We live in a world of never-ending stress, materialistic awareness and incessant pressure. Seeking happiness has become the prime challenge for most people. Does it really matter what ethnicity your spouse is if you can actually get along?

These again are my two cents. I would be curious to know what others feel about it.

Copyright © 10.04.2007

"Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation." – Oscar Wilde


KUNDU said...

Thai, Filipino, Indonesain, Japanese OK with me. No Chinese please :)

Pradeep Srivastava said...

I tend to agree with your analysis in that it is the compatibility of personalities that matters, not the religious/cultural backgrounds, with respect to the success of marriage. Besides luck, of course, there are several factors that can boost the chances of marital success. Usually, people who are 25 or older at the time of dating are emotionally mature to judge each other's personality if they date for one year or longer. People who are too young tend to be emotionally immature to judge each other and their love is more a puppy love than real love. People who wait too long to date are sometimes too desperate to get married and tend to make wrong decisions when it comes to choosing their mates. Arranged marriages are glorified in Indian communities, but I personally think they are over-rated. The reason arranged marriages last long is because of social and parental pressures. As far as happiness is concerned, a love marriage has a better shot at it than an arranged marriage.

Anonymous said...

i no agree. how gori live in indian joint family. only indian girl can. arrange marraige better.

payal said...

"As far as happiness is concerned, a love marriage has a better shot at it than an arranged marriage."

this is for pradeep. i don't think love marriahe has a better shot than arrange marriage. i had an arranged marriage. ifor the record, i am convinced i couldn't have found a more suitable match for myself.

Anonymous said...

Good thinking.

Anonymous said...


peacelover said...

punjabi kudi chahiye..tunna tunaa, tata tunna.

BCS said...

If I am still around,I would like to have your views on the subject after 20 years.The fact remains that for a NORMAL human, the perception and thinking process do take a U-turn in a cycle of 10 years or so.

Yash said...

Good writing. and interesting thought process.

Yes, the world will keep increasing in stress, and pressure. I disagree that seeking happiness is the prime challenge. I think it is the #1 pursuit, alongside avoidance of pain.

I'm curious if you are married/un-married/to-be married/were-married.

This would also add a new colour to the perspective.

I'm writing as a single, to be married person.

yes i agree that human personalities do determine the success of marriage, though the statement seems simplistic.

It makes me wonder what will make love, and marriage tick.

my 2 cents. :)


rajiv said...

well my two bits' worth is that whether arranged or thru mutual desire- it takes two to tango. I know of two females - both married their sweethearts - while one who married a childhood sweetheart just last year is already seeking separation, the other is failing in her efforts to separate peacefully and i have spent all of the last 2 days in trying to prevent her from commiting suicide because the family tortures her and the husband who does not stay with her now refuses to allow her to go.
my parents had an arranged marriage - it ran beautifully ; my sister had a love marriage - it's running beautifully ; i have a strained arranged marriage and my my wife won't let me go.
so, its finally just the two who matter ...............