Do dreams have to vanish when you open your eyes?

As I settle back into reality, which hasn't been a piece of cake after two blissful weeks in the company of my true self, like-mindedness, dreams, peace, gourmet food, and words, my brain is teased with thoughts and unanswered questions. I spent the first few days, upon my return, in trance. The noise surrounding me was like the drums playing in the background - persistent yet rhythmic, but I was unfettered. But last night, after a long day at work, when I got into the subway, I felt my New York-nerves tighten around my neck. As I ran to get through the semi - open doors, survival instincts kicked. My patience and pleasantness became the subway-rodents' feast. The vulture in my eyes hunted for seats. I heard my conscience murmur, cautiously, to me: The “beeatch” is back.

In my defense, the philosopher in me was bludgeoned by a wailing child and an indignant vendor selling candy on the subway. But here is the thing: Fifteen days ago, the same behavior wouldn’t have bothered me as much. I secretly wouldn't have wanted to call the cops on “untraditional” commuters or roll my eyes at human cacophony. So, what was it? Can a change in place alter human responses to such an extreme degree? Or was it time for a reality check on what keeps me happy?

A friend, who is originally from Pittsburgh, said that NYC has made her mean. She can feel it. So, one day, she would like to get in touch with her true self but that would require relinquishing the hub nub of the Big Apple. Sadly, she knows that the move is a distant dream and might always remain one. I understand where she comes from. On the other hand, I know a few dear ones (Sending tons of best wishes their way. I am so proud of them!) who have decided to take the risk. They will take the plunge and follow their dream because we live just once. They are fortunate to have recognized their true desires and have the guts to abandon the monotony of “required-to-do.” I admire their attitude: If it all works out, great; if it doesn’t, they’ll go back to where they came from, metaphorically speaking.

In the end, does it help to know what works best for you even when you know that you probably can't follow through with it or does ignorance work better? What you don't know can't hurt, right? And if you do know what you want to do with the rest of your life (or at least give it a shot, temporarily) but pragmatism becomes your prison-anklet and doesn’t permit you to follow your dreams, can you ever live happily? Will the regret of knowing but never trying, whether your dreams would have worked, ever stop gnawing at you?

More until next time.
Xoxo

Copyright © 10.22.2009


“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.” Oscar Wilde

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