Thursday, January 29, 2009

The easily offended types!

Have you been in situations where you have been confronted (badgered) by people for not telling them certain noteworthy news when they deemed it appropriate? It could have been news about a new job, an accomplishment (personal or professional), a new car or an apartment or a vacation or just about anything. These people expect you to NOT waste even a nanosecond and turn into an open book. If you don’t, they get offended. I mean not telling family and close friends is unacceptable (in my world), but not every acquaintance needs to be privy to the details of your life.

Where are these fumes coming from? So, one of my closest friends recently found that she is expecting twins. How cute is that, right? When she and her husband shared the magnificent news with us, all my husband and I felt was jubilation to the power of infinity. Believe me, if you saw the sonograms, you’d break into a dance sequence too. We celebrated with champagne at one of our favorite bars (She drank alka setzer while the rest of us indulged in champagne hydration):-) It never occurred to us, not even once, whether we should have found out about her pregnancy sooner or later or in a different way. It’s her news and her choices, and we, as friends, are just there for her and her husband.

My friend told me that one of her associates got upset because she wanted my friend to tell her news right away-- even before she had informed her family. What? Again, what? Firstly, that outlook qualifies under the “unfathomable and insane” category and secondly, how does the nuance of time and place matter? Why couldn’t this person just soak in the information and rejoice over it instead of attempting to make the imbecilic “I have to be the first to know list.”

Most humans lack the compassion to comprehend the “whys” behind any action, and of course, put their self-centered selves foremost. Such people think that they are the center of your universe and should be the first to know everything. I call them “delusional! Reality check: If your acquaintances don’t reveal their life history to you, get it; you aren’t that close. Maybe the “emotional proximity” is a “make-believe” relationship in your head.

Last year when my book, Pabulum, came out, a predictable, selected few people got affronted because I hadn’t kept them in the “loop” all these years---the conception of the idea to the maturity of the final product. I didn’t think it was incumbent upon me to announce my trepidations, vulnerability, journey, pleasure, or struggles to the entire world. The making of my book was so dearly a part of me that I could reveal the process only to people I trusted implicitly. People who would cry with me if it were a failure and drink to it if it became a success AND not the ones who waited with abated breath to use my experience as a dinner party conversation.

We all prefer to share our lives with people who can be there for us—emotionally, mentally, or physically. Most humans are lucky to have those few individuals in their lives that stand by them regardless of anything. The ones who don't, maybe it's time for self-scrutiny. I count my blessings for the ones I have because most people don’t care about anyone but themselves. They hang around like opportunists, hoping you fall because they see your success as a reflection on their failures.

More until next time.
Xoxo

Copyright © 01.29.2009

“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.” – Oscar Wilde

5 comments:

Deepika said...

SOOOOOOOO true. You spoke my mind :-)...

Spontaneous Mini said...

Very relevant.
Can't anticipate how people will judge me but I categorise people into diffrent friend slots. Most of them do not have a power to hurt or offend me. Their judgments and expectations, I am least bothered. But there is a tiny section whom I have given an important place in my life. It hurts when those people let me down. Its about expectations not about success/failure- at least for me.
Hmmm...less expectaions is the mantra!!

Ohh your book of poetry makes a lot of us proud. And you are right about the trials and tribulation sharing but that is also a time to test if someone is a true friend. Dont you agree??.. if you hav't already taken and given that best buddy test!!

Anonymous said...

good one woman.

Serendipity said...

well said.

The easily offended types are also the ones who can make solid fun of others, but cant take a single joke on themselves.

The can dish it out, but cant take it in types :)

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