Have you been in situations where you have been confronted (badgered) by people for not telling them certain noteworthy news when they deemed it appropriate? It could have been news about a new job, an accomplishment (personal or professional), a new car or an apartment or a vacation or just about anything. These people expect you to NOT waste even a nanosecond and turn into an open book. If you don’t, they get offended. I mean not telling family and close friends is unacceptable (in my world), but not every acquaintance needs to be privy to the details of your life.
Where are these fumes coming from? So, one of my closest friends recently found that she is expecting twins. How cute is that, right? When she and her husband shared the magnificent news with us, all my husband and I felt was jubilation to the power of infinity. Believe me, if you saw the sonograms, you’d break into a dance sequence too. We celebrated with champagne at one of our favorite bars (She drank alka setzer while the rest of us indulged in champagne hydration):-) It never occurred to us, not even once, whether we should have found out about her pregnancy sooner or later or in a different way. It’s her news and her choices, and we, as friends, are just there for her and her husband.
My friend told me that one of her associates got upset because she wanted my friend to tell her news right away-- even before she had informed her family. What? Again, what? Firstly, that outlook qualifies under the “unfathomable and insane” category and secondly, how does the nuance of time and place matter? Why couldn’t this person just soak in the information and rejoice over it instead of attempting to make the imbecilic “I have to be the first to know list.”
Most humans lack the compassion to comprehend the “whys” behind any action, and of course, put their self-centered selves foremost. Such people think that they are the center of your universe and should be the first to know everything. I call them “delusional! Reality check: If your acquaintances don’t reveal their life history to you, get it; you aren’t that close. Maybe the “emotional proximity” is a “make-believe” relationship in your head.
Last year when my book, Pabulum, came out, a predictable, selected few people got affronted because I hadn’t kept them in the “loop” all these years---the conception of the idea to the maturity of the final product. I didn’t think it was incumbent upon me to announce my trepidations, vulnerability, journey, pleasure, or struggles to the entire world. The making of my book was so dearly a part of me that I could reveal the process only to people I trusted implicitly. People who would cry with me if it were a failure and drink to it if it became a success AND not the ones who waited with abated breath to use my experience as a dinner party conversation.
We all prefer to share our lives with people who can be there for us—emotionally, mentally, or physically. Most humans are lucky to have those few individuals in their lives that stand by them regardless of anything. The ones who don't, maybe it's time for self-scrutiny. I count my blessings for the ones I have because most people don’t care about anyone but themselves. They hang around like opportunists, hoping you fall because they see your success as a reflection on their failures.
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.29.2009
“Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.” – Oscar Wilde
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Why do we judge?
It’s human nature to judge others and by doing so, feel good about the self-fulfilling prophecy of “I know best.” Sometimes we human beings become critical of others to justify our own existence and defend our personal choices; other times, it’s because of the polar opposite mindsets and attitudes. I have to give us mere mortals the benefit of the doubt. Often times, given the paucity of time in most (you’ll be surprised to know how many people have nothing much to do with their life) of our lives, we judge people who (intentionally or unintentionally) coerce a validation for our every living moment. For example, my husband and I know this guy who constantly justifies his inhuman, unfathomable frugal (read as “contemptible”) living (Not because he can’t afford the simple things in life; he’s too cheap to spend his own money) and 1800s attitude by eliminating the filter between his brain and mouth. When he found out that my husband and I got accepted at New York ’s Ivy-League, Columbia University
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” Paulo Coelho
Granted most of us become friends with people who fall under our own realm of belief system, at least on a macro level, but despite the commonality, the judging and questioning might start with the discrepancy in the thought process on a micro level even within your circle of friends and acquaintances. Be honest to yourself. Haven’t you felt baffled, at least once, by some of the choices few of your friends or acquaintances made? It could be for trivial items (brand of home theatre system or grocery purchased) or life-changing decisions (career/marriage choices etc.).
Believing in your own path is one thing but condemning someone else’s choices just because you don’t get them, is kinda immature. For example, the constant battle between working women and homemakers is heart wrenching and appalling. Each party considers itself superior than the others. I have personally heard insipid words like ”An ambitious woman is detrimental for her family life,” OR “What does he know? She stays at home!” It gets worse when children come into play. By process of selection and elimination, most working women with kids make friends with women who are driven and do something with their lives besides cook and clean and mentally incapacitate themselves with obsessive bitching/cribbing--It doesn’t have to be a full-day commitment; it could be a mom actively involved in her kids’ school or socially involved in causes or pursuing a passion. Something where the brain doesn’t turn into a vestigial organ. Similarly, most stay-at-home moms like to be friends with other homemakers with children because their schedules, perspectives, and attitudes match. They feel discomforted in inflicting day care hell on their little ones or letting a stranger bring up their child. Basically, both groups prefer being surrounded by people who understand their choices and agree with it. That seems understandable, but it doesn’t stop there now, does it? Next step is the judgment factor where both parties, with opposing views, make deliberate attempts to prove their point.
As adults, we like to believe that we don’t need public approval for our actions, but I think humans can never fully give up the “charm and harm” of public opinion. I believe this tendency gets exacerbated with age and time as you become solely responsible for your choices and decisions. You can’t blame your idiosyncrasies on your parents anymore. How do you respond to a situation of the sort---you attack everything unfamiliar and then some.
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.22.2009
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” Paulo Coelho
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Trash or Stud? - Disturbing Double Standards
Growing up, I remember hearing certain words buzz around my good, Indian girl existence—“Girls should be shy.” Shyness was thought of as an Indian woman’s jewel. It won a woman kind words and got her maximum points in the eyes of the pretentious and judgmental society. The more you draped and covered, the more dignified you were considered which brings me to another point -- about saris. You might wrap them up, but you aren’t in the true sense not “exposed,” so people, get off your high horse. Saris might look elegant; perfect for shielding from the naughty look, I think not!
Anyways, when femme fatale Zeenat Aman (Bollywood actress from the seventies) decided to wear a bikini in the hit movie Qurbani, there was brouhaha. She was chastised like no other and frowned upon by the Indian society for showing “too much” skin. You know what I think? Women were jealous of her guts and the ability to carry off a two-piece bathing suit without looking vulgar; men ogled at her in exasperation.
Decades have passed since Zeenat Aman made her tabooed appearance and left a legendary dynasty only to be filled by Kimi katkar, Sonam, Rakhi Sawant, Malika Sherawat etc. In these thirty years, India has undergone a lot of change—clothes, people, mindsets, spending capacities but what’s not changed is the sexist attitude. When a woman wears skimpy clothes, people denounce her with tacky allegations; when a man decides to show off his chiseled body by going topless, folks embrace his Greek God persona and aspire to be like him.
No, I am not making this up. After Om Shanti Om and Ghajini, women have awed and men have tried to emulate Shahrukh Khan’s six-pack and Aamir Khan’s bulked up bodies respectively. So, it was okay for these forty-year old men to go the topless route and not be judged for it? In fact, in one of the “Koffee with Karan,” episodes, both John Abraham and Abhishek Bachan complimented and admired Aamir for his new look in Ghajini. Really? I am shocked because Aamir looks creepy with the Incredible Hulk body in that movie. It’s okay for Salman Khan to show up bare bodied at a wake, but when Madhuri Dixit wore a chiffon salwar kameez in Dil To Pagal hai, the media and the billion Indians derided her for wearing a “see-through” outfit.
Forget the older actors. How about people swooning over Hrithik Roshan’s Dhoom 2 guise and John Abraham’s gratuitous, skimpy sportswear in Dostana? All I heard was “wow!” One of my unnaturally conservative acquaintances salivated over Hrithik and chastised Priyanka Chopra, for her fusion dress sense, in the same breadth. Do I smell envy from the chubby-tubbies of the world?
Okay, I am not a big fan of Raakhi Sawant. She, in a lot of ways, is India’s Sarah Palin—dumbly hot. I always think of the famous Oscar Wilde quote when I see her—“She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.” Having said that, I do admire Saawant’s guts. She is ordinary in an extraordinary way and chooses to dress in her trademark style. What’s wrong with that? Every single talk show out there has made a buffoonery out of her wardrobe choices, her peer, Uday Chopra, who has an appalling existence, has won accolades for his body. Something is amiss.
Maybe I sound cynical due to the inhumane temperatures in NYC (read as “clad in three layers and still cold”) while my hubby gets to enjoy (okay-work) in gorgeously warm San Francisco. Whatever be the case, here is something that never ceases to amaze me: It’s mostly women condemning other women for showing skin and condoning men for the same deed. It makes me think if a woman is a woman’s worst enemy?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.15.2009
"Women are made to be loved, not understood." Oscar Wilde
Anyways, when femme fatale Zeenat Aman (Bollywood actress from the seventies) decided to wear a bikini in the hit movie Qurbani, there was brouhaha. She was chastised like no other and frowned upon by the Indian society for showing “too much” skin. You know what I think? Women were jealous of her guts and the ability to carry off a two-piece bathing suit without looking vulgar; men ogled at her in exasperation.
Decades have passed since Zeenat Aman made her tabooed appearance and left a legendary dynasty only to be filled by Kimi katkar, Sonam, Rakhi Sawant, Malika Sherawat etc. In these thirty years, India has undergone a lot of change—clothes, people, mindsets, spending capacities but what’s not changed is the sexist attitude. When a woman wears skimpy clothes, people denounce her with tacky allegations; when a man decides to show off his chiseled body by going topless, folks embrace his Greek God persona and aspire to be like him.
No, I am not making this up. After Om Shanti Om and Ghajini, women have awed and men have tried to emulate Shahrukh Khan’s six-pack and Aamir Khan’s bulked up bodies respectively. So, it was okay for these forty-year old men to go the topless route and not be judged for it? In fact, in one of the “Koffee with Karan,” episodes, both John Abraham and Abhishek Bachan complimented and admired Aamir for his new look in Ghajini. Really? I am shocked because Aamir looks creepy with the Incredible Hulk body in that movie. It’s okay for Salman Khan to show up bare bodied at a wake, but when Madhuri Dixit wore a chiffon salwar kameez in Dil To Pagal hai, the media and the billion Indians derided her for wearing a “see-through” outfit.
Forget the older actors. How about people swooning over Hrithik Roshan’s Dhoom 2 guise and John Abraham’s gratuitous, skimpy sportswear in Dostana? All I heard was “wow!” One of my unnaturally conservative acquaintances salivated over Hrithik and chastised Priyanka Chopra, for her fusion dress sense, in the same breadth. Do I smell envy from the chubby-tubbies of the world?
Okay, I am not a big fan of Raakhi Sawant. She, in a lot of ways, is India’s Sarah Palin—dumbly hot. I always think of the famous Oscar Wilde quote when I see her—“She wore far too much rouge last night and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.” Having said that, I do admire Saawant’s guts. She is ordinary in an extraordinary way and chooses to dress in her trademark style. What’s wrong with that? Every single talk show out there has made a buffoonery out of her wardrobe choices, her peer, Uday Chopra, who has an appalling existence, has won accolades for his body. Something is amiss.
Maybe I sound cynical due to the inhumane temperatures in NYC (read as “clad in three layers and still cold”) while my hubby gets to enjoy (okay-work) in gorgeously warm San Francisco. Whatever be the case, here is something that never ceases to amaze me: It’s mostly women condemning other women for showing skin and condoning men for the same deed. It makes me think if a woman is a woman’s worst enemy?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.15.2009
"Women are made to be loved, not understood." Oscar Wilde
Monday, January 12, 2009
Demise is the word!
A very Happy New Year to all! Let me start by apologizing for missing in action the past few weeks. I took a short writing hiatus to enjoy the holiday season Oscar Wilde style – “Moderation is a fatal thing, Lady Hunstanton. Nothing succeeds like excess.” I treated myself to decadence and opulence after all the craziness of the year. Well, every action has a food-related reaction in my life. To cut the long story short, I ate, drank, and made merry to an extensive extent (by my standards) this past month, so I decided to take charge (remember, I live to plan and stay organized) in the New Year.
I felt I needed to detox myself--revitalize my system and give my body some respite. I edited and re-edited my mental checklist innumerable times. Finally, aside from one of my friend's and I committing to a workout schedule together, I decided to make amends to my diet—no non-vegetarian, no wine, no dessert for a month, which is January 31st, 2009. Ironically, I am an embarrassment for serious drinkers; I indulge in dessert very occasionally, and I savor good vegetarian food. I guess, “Excessive” is such a relative word.
My temporary food-nirvana decision evoked interesting responses—especially from my own self. On numerous occasions, I was corrected by my friends and husband for saying, “I might as well eat this stuff tonight. It’s my last meal.” Seriously, I made it sound like I was on death penalty eating my last meal. I wonder why my brain created the brouhaha in the first place.
I figured along with my body, my mind and soul should be cleansed too. The yogic in me wanted a more rhythmic balance between my mind and body. Aside from yoga and a synchronized workout schedule with a friend, the detox diet, I decided to foray into one of the most ancient healing methods—acupuncture. What can I say; alternative healing and better living have a certain je ne sais quoi that I find appealing. There were moments when I felt cleansed just thinking about one of my most important goals of the New Year. I think I felt my aura too.
I am one of those people who enjoys any foodstuff if it comes with a promise or a tag of “healthy.” I have a naturally built palate for fruits, vegetables, dairy, non-fried, and super-healthy foods and am addicted to aerobic activities. Giving up the fare mentioned above wasn’t a problem at all, but little did I know that acupuncture came with dietary guidelines too—no to minimal dairy, avoid raw fruits/vegetables/spicy/fried/soy products/ white foods (flour, noodles, rice etc.). So, between my self-imposed diet and my acupuncturist’s dietary suggestions, pretty much all I can eat is oat meal and soups. I turned pale towards the beginning of last week, which scared the hell out of my bathroom mirror and my husband. I didn’t give up. I screamed internally for divine intervention.
Of all the times, Dear God decided to hear me out just this time and reach out to me via History Channel. I saw a program about the apocalypse predicted by the Mayan Civilization and Nostradamus. According to them, the world will come to an end on December 21st, 2012. I had heard and read a lot about the Galactic alignment but watching it on television was a whole another game.
Am I safe to assume that the program aired on History Channel was a sign from God that he wants me to lay off my detox diet so I don’t demise before the demise of the world? After all, what’s the point in all this effort for a healthy, long life and mind/body healing when there might be no life in four years?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.12.2009
"I hate people who are not serious about their meals." Oscar Wilde
I felt I needed to detox myself--revitalize my system and give my body some respite. I edited and re-edited my mental checklist innumerable times. Finally, aside from one of my friend's and I committing to a workout schedule together, I decided to make amends to my diet—no non-vegetarian, no wine, no dessert for a month, which is January 31st, 2009. Ironically, I am an embarrassment for serious drinkers; I indulge in dessert very occasionally, and I savor good vegetarian food. I guess, “Excessive” is such a relative word.
My temporary food-nirvana decision evoked interesting responses—especially from my own self. On numerous occasions, I was corrected by my friends and husband for saying, “I might as well eat this stuff tonight. It’s my last meal.” Seriously, I made it sound like I was on death penalty eating my last meal. I wonder why my brain created the brouhaha in the first place.
I figured along with my body, my mind and soul should be cleansed too. The yogic in me wanted a more rhythmic balance between my mind and body. Aside from yoga and a synchronized workout schedule with a friend, the detox diet, I decided to foray into one of the most ancient healing methods—acupuncture. What can I say; alternative healing and better living have a certain je ne sais quoi that I find appealing. There were moments when I felt cleansed just thinking about one of my most important goals of the New Year. I think I felt my aura too.
I am one of those people who enjoys any foodstuff if it comes with a promise or a tag of “healthy.” I have a naturally built palate for fruits, vegetables, dairy, non-fried, and super-healthy foods and am addicted to aerobic activities. Giving up the fare mentioned above wasn’t a problem at all, but little did I know that acupuncture came with dietary guidelines too—no to minimal dairy, avoid raw fruits/vegetables/spicy/fried/soy products/ white foods (flour, noodles, rice etc.). So, between my self-imposed diet and my acupuncturist’s dietary suggestions, pretty much all I can eat is oat meal and soups. I turned pale towards the beginning of last week, which scared the hell out of my bathroom mirror and my husband. I didn’t give up. I screamed internally for divine intervention.
Of all the times, Dear God decided to hear me out just this time and reach out to me via History Channel. I saw a program about the apocalypse predicted by the Mayan Civilization and Nostradamus. According to them, the world will come to an end on December 21st, 2012. I had heard and read a lot about the Galactic alignment but watching it on television was a whole another game.
Am I safe to assume that the program aired on History Channel was a sign from God that he wants me to lay off my detox diet so I don’t demise before the demise of the world? After all, what’s the point in all this effort for a healthy, long life and mind/body healing when there might be no life in four years?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 01.12.2009
"I hate people who are not serious about their meals." Oscar Wilde
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Promises of a Jane Fonda body on a common man’s budget? Oh those sneaky...
We are less than two weeks shy of the New Year. Most people, with a reasonable emotional quotient, take out some time from their lives to reflect upon the past year. I call this period the “epiphany phase”. What went wrong or what worked for them? Are there ways they could alleviate the stress in their forthcoming year? Etc. etc. etc. This bedlam stage for a common man is a marketer’s dream come true moment.
The other day, a good friend of mine and I were chatting about our respective holiday plans when she casually enquired if I had worked on any New Year resolutions. I was like “What? Are you kidding me?” An obsessive-compulsive planner like me thrives on the opportunity to make a commitment for 365 days. Every 31st December, by midnight, I make a promise to myself, which I never reveal to anyone until the goal is achieved. Even then, a chosen few hear about my infamous New Year resolutions and their success and failure rate. As the year progresses, I diligently mentally check off “All achieved” and highlight “Here’s what’s pending,” and mourn over “Damn it! Need to carry it over to next year,” list. Of course, for the triumphant execution of my goals, I seek certain worldly assistance in terms of goods and services. For instance, if one of my goals was to work on my writing skills, the service I would seek would be a writing class or a workshop.
Up until last morning, I thought I was all alone in my fanaticism until I got a note from a friend. He has made a list of 101 things that he wants to achieve in 1001 days. The list involves a variety of to-do-list—right from exploring out vegetarianism for a defined period of time to trying out Indian cuisine to participating in a race to properly managing his money. I was intrigued. A lot of his resolutions resonated with mine (I am still not telling what my goals are for the New Year), and we have never talked about what each of us wants to achieve in 2009. Hmmm. This can’t be just a coincidence.
I personally believe that we humans share a common platform for core issues. Be it money, health, career, personal life etc., the foundation of existence is defined by a few items. Sure, it might take different shapes depending on individual needs and wants. For example, this is the time of the year when people lose amour-propre. Thanks to all the holiday parties and living-in-the-moment spirit, some gain obvious amounts of weight which triggers the feeling of guilt about abusing their system with unwarranted amounts of solids and liquid, so they make goals to improve/enhance something about their lives. Voila! This is where the successful marketer creeps in like Santa Claus and helps bridge the gap between the human desire/guilt/goal/New Year resolution—(give it whatever name you like) and the product/service that would ensure the execution of the wish. For instance, most health clubs in New York City have phenomenal sales in the month of January. Before you know it, people get suckered into the deal with dreamy eyes and a culpable conscience.
Another example: A lot of people I know have career-oriented goals for the New Year. So, do you remember seeing the “Oh so alluring” deals on laptops at the beginning of every year? Who do you think they cater to? How about the $0 down payment on a new home theatre system?
We humans are predictable to quite some extent and companies are getting better at targeted marketing. I have been receiving invites to free One-day writing workshops in the month of January. Gee, I wonder how that happened.
The marketers know enough people have some form of self enhancement as a goal and so prey onto the nucleus of human weaknesses. They know most would probably fall right into their trap as what the marketers are doing, is providing that connective tissue between the “desiree” and the “desired”. Maybe marketers do get a carte blanche around this time of the year. I wish I could say, “Watch out,” but I am one of those professionals myself trying to make a living in this tough world. C'est la vie
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.18.2008
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar wilde
The other day, a good friend of mine and I were chatting about our respective holiday plans when she casually enquired if I had worked on any New Year resolutions. I was like “What? Are you kidding me?” An obsessive-compulsive planner like me thrives on the opportunity to make a commitment for 365 days. Every 31st December, by midnight, I make a promise to myself, which I never reveal to anyone until the goal is achieved. Even then, a chosen few hear about my infamous New Year resolutions and their success and failure rate. As the year progresses, I diligently mentally check off “All achieved” and highlight “Here’s what’s pending,” and mourn over “Damn it! Need to carry it over to next year,” list. Of course, for the triumphant execution of my goals, I seek certain worldly assistance in terms of goods and services. For instance, if one of my goals was to work on my writing skills, the service I would seek would be a writing class or a workshop.
Up until last morning, I thought I was all alone in my fanaticism until I got a note from a friend. He has made a list of 101 things that he wants to achieve in 1001 days. The list involves a variety of to-do-list—right from exploring out vegetarianism for a defined period of time to trying out Indian cuisine to participating in a race to properly managing his money. I was intrigued. A lot of his resolutions resonated with mine (I am still not telling what my goals are for the New Year), and we have never talked about what each of us wants to achieve in 2009. Hmmm. This can’t be just a coincidence.
I personally believe that we humans share a common platform for core issues. Be it money, health, career, personal life etc., the foundation of existence is defined by a few items. Sure, it might take different shapes depending on individual needs and wants. For example, this is the time of the year when people lose amour-propre. Thanks to all the holiday parties and living-in-the-moment spirit, some gain obvious amounts of weight which triggers the feeling of guilt about abusing their system with unwarranted amounts of solids and liquid, so they make goals to improve/enhance something about their lives. Voila! This is where the successful marketer creeps in like Santa Claus and helps bridge the gap between the human desire/guilt/goal/New Year resolution—(give it whatever name you like) and the product/service that would ensure the execution of the wish. For instance, most health clubs in New York City have phenomenal sales in the month of January. Before you know it, people get suckered into the deal with dreamy eyes and a culpable conscience.
Another example: A lot of people I know have career-oriented goals for the New Year. So, do you remember seeing the “Oh so alluring” deals on laptops at the beginning of every year? Who do you think they cater to? How about the $0 down payment on a new home theatre system?
We humans are predictable to quite some extent and companies are getting better at targeted marketing. I have been receiving invites to free One-day writing workshops in the month of January. Gee, I wonder how that happened.
The marketers know enough people have some form of self enhancement as a goal and so prey onto the nucleus of human weaknesses. They know most would probably fall right into their trap as what the marketers are doing, is providing that connective tissue between the “desiree” and the “desired”. Maybe marketers do get a carte blanche around this time of the year. I wish I could say, “Watch out,” but I am one of those professionals myself trying to make a living in this tough world. C'est la vie
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.18.2008
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar wilde
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This Holiday Season
This holiday season, I see
solitude roam the streets
of New York instead of
awestruck, cackling tourists
sipping steaming cappuccino.
This holiday season, I hear
budgets, complaints, woes,
louder than any prayers
music, or wishes. Is sound
exploring its new destiny?
This holiday season, I sense
Santa and his elves will be
making fewer stops. The
wishes made and cookies
baked are incomprehensible.
This holiday season, stores
have more ghosts than
people. The rustling of the
clothes sound like harsh
trampling of holiday hopes.
This holiday season, I hear
families coming closer, hearts
healing, echo of true feelings
because holidays are about
cherishing what you have
and not what’s missing.
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.11.2008
solitude roam the streets
of New York instead of
awestruck, cackling tourists
sipping steaming cappuccino.
This holiday season, I hear
budgets, complaints, woes,
louder than any prayers
music, or wishes. Is sound
exploring its new destiny?
This holiday season, I sense
Santa and his elves will be
making fewer stops. The
wishes made and cookies
baked are incomprehensible.
This holiday season, stores
have more ghosts than
people. The rustling of the
clothes sound like harsh
trampling of holiday hopes.
This holiday season, I hear
families coming closer, hearts
healing, echo of true feelings
because holidays are about
cherishing what you have
and not what’s missing.
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.11.2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Deciphering the rising emotions
I know. The heinous terrorist attacks on Mumbai happened a week ago, and maybe like the indifferent Indian politicians, I should let go. But I can’t. Not until I share what I have been thinking, hearing, and debating. The Indian world is upsurge with emotions: anger, depression, shock, frustration, resentment, and melancholy.
I see fingers being pointed and defensive arguments occupying our daily conversations. Most of the world, not privy to the historic religion-based chaos in South Asia, fails to understand the ongoing sentiments. I am a big believer in the political faux pas brought about by Gandhi (notice how I deliberately didn’t add “ji” to his name. In my eyes, he lost all respect the day I figured out the history of Indian independence), Nehru, and Jinnah. For their own ulterior, selfish motives, they divided the nation. They are dead, and look at what the rest of us are facing.
The next day after the attacks, a very dear Pakistani friend of mine called to check on me—to see if my family and I were alright and if everything was fine between him and I. He knows I am emotional and just wanted to make sure. I told him blatantly that I wish I was an Indian commando saving lives, and I suspect his government (if you heard the interview with one of the terrorist, you would too) but not every Pakistani citizen. He is a friend first. His faith and nation don’t make a difference to me. I am no God’s gift to mankind, and I am definitely not trying to toot my own horn, but I wonder if everyone thought my way—just for that day. I doubt it. Few of my Muslim friends, Indian and Pakistani alike, have faced prejudice after every terrorist attacks. These are moderate, peace-loving (like the rest of us) Muslims, who are adorned with suspicious looks just because of the extremists from their realm of faith. Mumbai Muslims have refused to bury the body of the terrorists in their cemetery. How much more they need to prove?
Having said all of the above, but I also understand that in times of calamity, we humans look for an anchor. Someone to pass on the blame on to. Education, sensibility, reasoning, and rationale break all humane boundaries. Sikhs were targeted after Indira Gandhi’s assassination, Hindus were targeted after Babri Masjid havoc, Arabs and Arab looking men were targeted in the US after 9/11. Were these hate crimes justified? I personally denounce them. The entire community shouldn’t have to pay for the few miscreants.
The other day, someone asked me, “Why does the Indian government denounce Pakistan?” I said, “Why did the American government mispronounce Iraq as Eye-rack and blame it for trouble everywhere?” It is my belief that India doesn’t refer to Pakistani citizens when it holds Pakistan accountable for these crimes; it condemns the Pakistani government’s support of terrorism or harboring of terrorists. It is similar to the American government’s stance on Afghanistan and Iraq. I don’t think the US holds every Afghanistani or Iraqi responsible for mayhem in the world; just the government’s supporting it.
So, where am I going with this blog? I don’t know. I want answers from the Indian politicians. The CM of Maharsthra then, Vilasrao Deshmukh, never once consoled the people of Mumbai, but soon after things calmed down, he was seen entering the Taj along with his actor son, Ritesh Deshmukh and producer/director, Ram Gopal Varma. That’s when I get angry and shocked. I am frustrated with the Indian media’s unprofessional portrayal of India and their insolent coverage. Amazing, TAJ hotel got maximum reporting because the rich and the famous hangout there while CST was conveniently ignored. Poor lives don’t matter as much as the socialites of Mumbai? The Indian commandos who died in the line of duty, I salute them, and I truly believe India is honored by their martyrdom. But I feel melancholic that the few Indian officials, who cared, are now deceased.
It makes me proud that New Yorkers haven’t forgotten or forgiven 9/11 or the lives lost that day. Our desi “It’s okay,” attitude and tendency to forget isn’t acceptable anymore. Resilience is one thing; callousness towards human life is another. Just because you didn’t lose a dear one in the Mumbai attacks, doesn’t give you the right to accept and move on. Every single day of our lives, we should remember what happened to Mumbai and to the brave hearts that died saving it. This would honor the lives lost and perhaps make us stronger and less vulnerable as a nation.
Without killing, it’s time we Indian citizens took matters in our own hands and showed some solidarity. We should focus on the bigger picture—the safety and security of our future because clearly our incompetent government won’t do anything about it. You’d think the parliament bombing in 2001 and 2002 would have taught them something. But has it?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.04.2008
"The mind is everything. What you think you become.” Buddha
I see fingers being pointed and defensive arguments occupying our daily conversations. Most of the world, not privy to the historic religion-based chaos in South Asia, fails to understand the ongoing sentiments. I am a big believer in the political faux pas brought about by Gandhi (notice how I deliberately didn’t add “ji” to his name. In my eyes, he lost all respect the day I figured out the history of Indian independence), Nehru, and Jinnah. For their own ulterior, selfish motives, they divided the nation. They are dead, and look at what the rest of us are facing.
The next day after the attacks, a very dear Pakistani friend of mine called to check on me—to see if my family and I were alright and if everything was fine between him and I. He knows I am emotional and just wanted to make sure. I told him blatantly that I wish I was an Indian commando saving lives, and I suspect his government (if you heard the interview with one of the terrorist, you would too) but not every Pakistani citizen. He is a friend first. His faith and nation don’t make a difference to me. I am no God’s gift to mankind, and I am definitely not trying to toot my own horn, but I wonder if everyone thought my way—just for that day. I doubt it. Few of my Muslim friends, Indian and Pakistani alike, have faced prejudice after every terrorist attacks. These are moderate, peace-loving (like the rest of us) Muslims, who are adorned with suspicious looks just because of the extremists from their realm of faith. Mumbai Muslims have refused to bury the body of the terrorists in their cemetery. How much more they need to prove?
Having said all of the above, but I also understand that in times of calamity, we humans look for an anchor. Someone to pass on the blame on to. Education, sensibility, reasoning, and rationale break all humane boundaries. Sikhs were targeted after Indira Gandhi’s assassination, Hindus were targeted after Babri Masjid havoc, Arabs and Arab looking men were targeted in the US after 9/11. Were these hate crimes justified? I personally denounce them. The entire community shouldn’t have to pay for the few miscreants.
The other day, someone asked me, “Why does the Indian government denounce Pakistan?” I said, “Why did the American government mispronounce Iraq as Eye-rack and blame it for trouble everywhere?” It is my belief that India doesn’t refer to Pakistani citizens when it holds Pakistan accountable for these crimes; it condemns the Pakistani government’s support of terrorism or harboring of terrorists. It is similar to the American government’s stance on Afghanistan and Iraq. I don’t think the US holds every Afghanistani or Iraqi responsible for mayhem in the world; just the government’s supporting it.
So, where am I going with this blog? I don’t know. I want answers from the Indian politicians. The CM of Maharsthra then, Vilasrao Deshmukh, never once consoled the people of Mumbai, but soon after things calmed down, he was seen entering the Taj along with his actor son, Ritesh Deshmukh and producer/director, Ram Gopal Varma. That’s when I get angry and shocked. I am frustrated with the Indian media’s unprofessional portrayal of India and their insolent coverage. Amazing, TAJ hotel got maximum reporting because the rich and the famous hangout there while CST was conveniently ignored. Poor lives don’t matter as much as the socialites of Mumbai? The Indian commandos who died in the line of duty, I salute them, and I truly believe India is honored by their martyrdom. But I feel melancholic that the few Indian officials, who cared, are now deceased.
It makes me proud that New Yorkers haven’t forgotten or forgiven 9/11 or the lives lost that day. Our desi “It’s okay,” attitude and tendency to forget isn’t acceptable anymore. Resilience is one thing; callousness towards human life is another. Just because you didn’t lose a dear one in the Mumbai attacks, doesn’t give you the right to accept and move on. Every single day of our lives, we should remember what happened to Mumbai and to the brave hearts that died saving it. This would honor the lives lost and perhaps make us stronger and less vulnerable as a nation.
Without killing, it’s time we Indian citizens took matters in our own hands and showed some solidarity. We should focus on the bigger picture—the safety and security of our future because clearly our incompetent government won’t do anything about it. You’d think the parliament bombing in 2001 and 2002 would have taught them something. But has it?
More until next time.
Xoxo
Copyright © 12.04.2008
"The mind is everything. What you think you become.” Buddha
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